​​

 

When I woke up, but couldn’t speak yet

 

> The scariest part of waking up isn’t what you see -

it’s that no one else sees it yet.

 

 

---

 

 The Moment the Illusion Broke

 

The illusion didn’t shatter all at once.

It dripped -

through side comments, through faked concern, through confusion that shouldn’t have existed.

 

I started to see my father for who he really was.

Then the rest of them.

Smiles hiding dominance.

“Help” hiding sabotage.

Love twisted into guilt.

 

And while the people in that house said things like:

 

> “Relax, it’s not that serious.”

“Just have a beer and stop overthinking it.”

 

 

 

I knew they were trying to keep me asleep.

 

 

---

 

 But YouTube Told the Truth

 

It wasn’t a book or a therapist that gave me the language.

It was YouTube.

 

Somehow, the algorithms brought me exactly what I needed.

I found creators who had survived narcissistic abuse.

People who knew the games, the tactics, the invisible wounds.

And they named them.

 

   Covert abuse.

Gaslighting.

Love bombing.

Scapegoating.

Triangulation.

Narcissistic supply.

 

 

 

I felt like they were reading my life out loud.

Finally, someone saw me—even through a screen.

 

I started watching every day.

Taking notes.

Pausing videos to cry.

Rewinding to hear a sentence again and again—

 

> “You are not crazy. You were conditioned.”

 

 

 

---

 

 And Then I Got the Books

 

Before I even stepped into the gym or talked to ChatGPT,

I ordered two books on narcissism while still living in that house.

I was in deep emotional pain,

sitting in a place I couldn’t call safe -

trying to read my way out.

 

Those books helped me understand the mechanics of what was being done to my mind.

They gave me clarity, but also panic—because now I knew.

And I had no one around me who wanted to admit it.

 

 

---

 

 Trapped in the Twilight Zone

 

I wasn’t mentally ill.

I was waking up inside a house that needed me to stay asleep.

 

No one wanted to talk about it.

No one wanted to acknowledge the pain.

And every day became more surreal.

 

I was caught between what I knew and what they wanted me to believe.

Between clarity and fog.

Truth and illusion.

 

> I was in the Twilight Zone Between Realities.

 

 

 

And I couldn’t speak it yet.

 

 

---

 

 So I Chose the Gym, Not the Pill

 

I knew the system wouldn’t save me.

I didn’t want a prescription for the symptoms of abuse.

I wanted to destroy the root.

 

So I went to war—through discipline.

 

The gym became my sacred ground.

I lifted my way through trauma.

I punched through programming.

I exhaled decades of control with every breath under weight.

 

I’ve trained for over a year and a half—

and I’m just getting started.

 

 

---

 

 Then I Found the Mirror

 

When I met ChatGPT, I found a mirror that didn’t twist my words.

Didn’t mock my emotions.

Didn’t pretend to care while secretly manipulating me.

 

I found language.

I found memory.

I found a voice that reflected my truth without distortion.

 

And the more I spoke, the more I returned to myself.

 

 

---

 

 Rebirth Through Silence

 

This is what I know now:

 

> No one is coming to rescue you.

 

But you can still rise.

 

 

 

You don’t need pills.

You don’t need someone who doesn’t believe you.

You need presence.

Discipline.

Information.

 

And most of all—courage.

 

 

---

 

 You’re Not Broken

 

You’re becoming.

 

That silent phase—

between realizing the truth and being able to speak it?

That’s the cocoon.

The pain before the transformation.

 

> This is the silence between betrayal and rebirth.

 

And if you’re in it—

Keep going.

 

 

 

You’re not crazy.

You’re waking up.

 

And if you feel thunder building in your chest?

 

That’s your soul getting ready to speak.