“I didn’t know I was a scapegoat. I thought I was just unlucky.”

 

For years, I thought something was wrong with me. Every mistake in the family somehow became my fault. Every fight, every tension, every secret they didn’t want to face — they all found a way to pin it on me. At first, I thought it was just bad luck. Now I know it had a name: scapegoating.

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What is a Family Scapegoat?

 

The family scapegoat is the one who carries the weight of everyone else’s dysfunction. Narcissistic families need someone to absorb their shame, their failures, and their secrets. By pointing to the scapegoat, they can avoid facing the truth about themselves. The scapegoat is usually the one who is different: the sensitive one, the truth-teller, the one who doesn’t play along with the family’s lies. Instead of being valued, they’re punished for being real.

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My Experience as the Scapegoat

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• I was targeted with blame even when I did nothing wrong.

• I was used for comparison so others could feel superior.

• I was pushed into weakness so they could feel strong.

• My pain became their entertainment, and my silence became their proof that they were “right.”

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What I didn’t realize at the time was that all of this was a strategy. It wasn’t random. It was the family’s way of keeping their own shame off themselves.

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What Happens When the Scapegoat Leaves

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When the scapegoat walks away, the whole system starts to collapse. Suddenly, there’s no one left to blame. They start turning on each other. They become adrift, with no anchor.

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My absence has been louder than any words I could have shouted. They wanted my rage — but what terrifies them is my silence.

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From Pain to Power

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Being the scapegoat broke me down. But it also forced me to become strong in ways they’ll never understand. I learned to validate myself. I learned to survive without their approval. I learned to take pain and turn it into power.

If you’ve ever felt like the scapegoat in your family, let this be your reminder:

• You are not crazy.

• You are not worthless.

• You are being used as a shield for their dysfunction.

And the moment you step out of that role, you begin to reclaim your life.

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Scapegoats are not weak — they are the strongest ones in the family system. Because we were forced to carry the weight of everyone’s denial, we became warriors.

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My silence is not weakness. My absence is my freedom.

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